Location: Manhattan, New York, United States

I've fallen for a man that I cannot have. "What would happen if we kissed Would your tongue slip past my lips Would you run away, would you stay Or would I melt into you Mouth to mouth, lust to lust Spontaneously combust The room is spinning out of control Act like you didn't notice Brushed my hand"

Hate Mail!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Almost Home

I saw him tonight. More importantly, Bobby saw me first. Sleep just wouldn't come so I ventured out into the cold. I know a woman shouldn't walk alone in the middle of the night in this fine city but that hasyet to stop me. I always find it a freeing experience. Another rule broken. I feel like a small girl beneath such a big dark sky at night. I's almost as if the darkness provides me with a blanket of protection. I feel safe and surrounded by something comforting. If I walk long enough I start to really feel protected by mother nature.

I was just getting to that place tonite when I felt eyes on me. I looked up and about 20 feet away was Bobby. I know it was him. The look on his face made me weak. He had been watching me for who knows how long but his face was filled with love. I wanted to run to him & instead I ran in the opposite direction. Not because of the fear of prison. Not because of all the crimes I've been accused of. But because he caught me off gaurd and really saw me. He knows what I've endured, he knows what evil deeds I have committed.

He knows me for me. The real Nicole.

He is able to feel love for me in spite of my past. An unconditional, uncontrollable love.

I have never had that ever. Not once. It scared the hell out of me and so I ran. I bolted knowing, hoping he would catch me, grab me. Touch me somehow just to make it all real.

I don't think he realized I ran until I was gone. He was lost in his own thoughts, thoughts of me.

Thoughts of he and I.


Anonymous Sara said...

"He knows me for me. The real Nicole."

The real Nicole is a murderer. Nicole, I am truly sorry for what happened to you when you were little, but that is no excuse to manipulate and kill people. I know plenty of people who were sexually abused as children, but the managed to take their pain and angry and put it towards good use.

You say you love him, therefore you should want the best for him. You are definately not the best for him, quite the opposite really. You hurt him. There is no denying he has feelings for you, most probably love...But thats not good for him.

An analogy would be addicts and cocaine. They love it more than anything, but it harms them alot.

If you leave, Bobby would slowly grow to get over you and become a better person.

When you are in love, truly, you sacrifice yourself for the other person....

May you find peace,


5:07 PM  
Blogger VDOFan said...

Sometimes Sara that is their way of hurting others that have hurt them.. they want them to make them feel the pain they felt and have that control.. scary huh?

hugs Janice

7:35 PM  
Blogger Shadow of a Joke said...

Cocaine? Where? Gotta have a fix? ;p

1:42 AM  

Is that really you and Bobby posted on my Blog or some silly actors?

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